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Ok, this has been something weedling in my head since, oh...probably highschool, and with the advent of the new Fantastic 4 movie, I thought I'd just smack whimsical of it.



Doesn't it seem strange that the Human Torch yells "FLAME ON!" He's been doing it for years. Decades, even. I'm pretty sure he's not gay. Does he become homosexual when he catches fire? I doubt it. I know this is a cheap laugh, but sometimes...just sometimes, this is the way my mind works.



Stay with me for a second, please.



In today's "Politically correct" society, I'm actually shocked that noone has made a beef about this. It's in the commercials and previews. And yes, I do think that America is that shallow. Just wait, someone who has a much broader and larger "audience" than this silly journal entry will latch onto it and run. Just wait. You'll see. I have faith in the intollerant whining of American "minority" groups.



Wait! Before you go run and bomb my profile for being an insensitive heterosexual homophobe, hear me out!



1) I totally think that Sue Storm (Invisible Woman) should be a lesbian. :-) As should Elekra. And they should do a movie together.



2) Wouldn't it be funny if the Human Torch left a big rainbow trail across the sky, instead of fire when he yelled "Flame On!"



Ok, now you can go bomb my profile. :-)

Those of you with cats will think this is humorous. Those of you who play video games AND have cats, will actually get it. :-)



GUCOMICS

My son is 4.



Today is not his best day. He is currently attending summer swimming lessons at the Y. This is his 3rd week and I must say he's kicking ass for his age.



Until today...



Today he decided that he was going to tell the instructor what HE wanted to do. "I'm going to swim over there, not here." Things like that. Not a problem except that the instructor was giving him one-on-one time due to the small class-size and he just wouldn't listen. It wasn't time for "swim over there." It was time to shut the hell up and listen and learn while she tried to show him how to turn his head to breath while swimming freestyle. Yep, only 4 and already zooming around freestyle with no floatation assistance. Until he runs out of breath. Then it's glub glub under he goes. So...he's gotta learn to breath and swim. He is 100% capable of doing this and that's not a proud father speaking.



Anyway, after class I informed him that it was in his best interest to keep quiet and do as he was told because I was not happy with him due to his behavior. Which he did. We skipped out usual ritual of stopping for drinks and playing at the park, went straight home, got lunch and straight to nap.



Anyway...on the way home, he only broke his silence for one thing:



"I don't want to be a policeman when I grow up, anymore. I want to be a daddy, just like you."



What a suck up. LOL

I'm not one to wave political flags, but a friend sent me this clip from Fox New's "Hannity and Colmes."



It's nice to see people like that get lambasted on national TV. It's nice to see the left and the right join together once in a while.



Moron Video

I was going to write a big rant about Michael Jackson getting off scott free in his case. I'm not going to do it. I'm too nautious.

Something just dawned on me:



I have a 4 year old son, so I get to see a lot of kids shows and cartoons, both on TV and in the theater. What occurred to me just a few seconds ago is that The Fart is a prevailing theme or gag in just about everything kids watch these days.



There are farts, everywhere. If you are subjected to Nickalodeon or Cartoon Network as much as I am, you'll know what I mean.



I used to laugh at Bugs Bunny and Tom and Jerry. Not once have I seen Daffy Duck fart. Pepe LePue stinks but he's a skunk and off the hook. Never have I witnessed Speedy Gonzalez pass gas. And HE'S Mexican, so I assume he eats a lot of beans. Ok, I'm stereotyping for the sake of my own fart joke. My appologies to non-bean-eating Mexicans who read this. My point is that cartoons used to be funny. Now, the only time I see the kids laugh is when somone (or thing) farts.



Have cartoon writers become so unfunny that they have to resort to fart jokes? Or, are our children so sophisticated that it takes bathroom humor to make them laugh. Or....possibly they aren't sophisticated enough. And this, I'm afraid, would be a direct reflection of how they are being or have been raised.



I'm going to have to do some serious thinking about this.



Maybe I'll have a brainfart and come up with something.

Since the WWE keeps popping up in different places lately, I thought throw in my two cents:



Ever notice how Lita isn't nearly as hot as she used to be?

Today I woke up to, among other less-pleasant things, my son asking "Is it time to go see Shark Boy and Lava Girl?"



Alex has been obsessed with this movie since the first time he saw the previews a couple of months ago. So, today was Shark Boy and Lava Girl day.



I got up and went to my trusty computer to check my email and movie times. Found some email and some spam. Not sure which was worse, today. Then found the movie time. 1220. It was around 10 at this point.



A bit later he asked again if it was time to go. I said, no, we'll leave in about an hour. He's 4. Time is...well, I like his concept of time better than mine. Every 5 minutes from that point until he put his shoes on was "Has it been a hour yet?" These are the things parents must lear patience for.



I finally gave in around 11 and told him to saddle up. We went on a mini shopping excursion to GameSpot where he played DonkeyKonga and I talked video games with the employees. There's something quite entertaining about a 4 year old beating all hell out of a set of toy bongos that act as the controller for the game.



We left there and during the 5 minute drive to the theater we came up with several alternate names to for the movie:



Stork Boy and Llama Girl

Dork Boy and Guava Juice

Dark Boy and Lava Squirrel

Fish Boy and Patato Girl (that's for you, Daire!)



It was quite interesting to see what he'd come up with. He's a pretty bright lad if I do say so myself.



We get out tickets and I proceed to purchase the prerequisite snack and drink items: Hot dog, nachos, popcorn (small), Sprite (small), Diet Coke (Large) and M and Ms. Total: $21.50. My rant about movie food prices will be left for another day.



Into the movie we go with 10 minutes to spare. I HATE getting to the movies late. So, all is well. I unleash the provided 3D glasses for both of us and he says "Can I have some M and Ms and when does the movie start?" This is a grand thing. It's an important stage of child developement to be able to connect unrelated items in a single sentence. :-)



"The movie starts in 5 minutes," says I. Every minute on the minute until the show started (about 15, it started late) I heard "Has it been 5 minutes, yet?"



The lights go down and the previews start. I love previews. Which is part of the reason I HATE being late for movies. Anyway, there's a flick coming out this summer called "Sky High" about super hero high school that looks entertainig. It's got Kurt Russel in it, so it can't be all bad. Funny thing about that, in the movie they show a picture of Kurt from the "old" high school yearbook that I'm pretty sure is a pic of him from "The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes." If you've seen THAT movie, message me so we can discuss how old we are. :-)



We both enjoyed the movie. He didn't move, except to munch popcorn and M and Ms for an hour and a half. Make no mistake...this is a KIDS movie. There isn't much in it for adults like there was in the Spongebob movie. You know the subtle adult humor that goes right over the heads of the little ones. None of that here.



On the ride home we discussed Super Heroes, of course. I made it a point to tell him that you don't have to have super powers to be a super hero. Mommies and Daddies are super heroes. Policemen, firemen, paramedics, doctors, astronauts, soldiers, etc. We talked about them all. He asked, "who else is a super hero?" I told him that I think we had got them all and what he thought. "What about life guards? They're super heroes!" That's mah boy!



Now he wants to see it again. Bless his heart.

Fett's Vette

by Mc Chris

album:



Cruisin' Mos Espa in my Delorian,

War's over I'm a peacetime Mandalorian.

My story has stumped star wars historians

Deep in debate buffet plate at Bennigans.

Rhyme renegade sure to penetrate

First and second defense I won't hesitate.

Got a job to do Darth's the guy that delegates.

Got something against Skywalker someone he really hates.

I don't give a fuck. I'm after Solo

For all I care he could be hiding at Yoda's dojo.

Gotta make the money, credit's no good

When the Jawas run the shop in your neighborhood.

Think you can cook? I got a grappling hook.

Let's make this quick coz I'm really booked.

I'm a devious degenerate, defender of the devil,

Shut down all the trash compactors on the detention level.



My backpack's got jets. I'm Boba the Fett.

I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt to finance my 'Vette.

I chill in deep space, a mask is over my face.

I deliver the prize but I still narrow my eyes

Coz my time I don't like to waste. Get down.



I'm a question wrapped inside an enigma,

Get inside the Slave One, find your homing signal,

From Endor to Hoth, Ripley to Spock,

I'll find what you want, but there's gonna be a cost.

Say my name is Boba Fett. I know my shit is tight.

Start not acting right, you're frozen in carbonite.

Got telescopic sight, flame throwers on my wrist.

You still don't get the jist? Spiked boots are made to kick,

Targets are made to hit. You think I give a shit?

Your mama is a bitch! I'll see you in the Sarlaac pit.

You just flipped my switch, integrity been dissed.

You scratchin on my itch. You know I shoot the gift.

Got bambinas at cantinas waitin to lick my lusty lips,

So I'll let you get back inside you're little space ship,

Give you a head start, coz I'm the sporting kind.

Consider the starting line the sneaky smile I hide inside.

Hope you have hyper drive, pray to stay alive.

Don't try to slip me a five coz I never take a bribe,

To the beat of a different drummer, bad ass bounty hunter,

Let no man put asunder or else they be put under,

As in six feet. Got an imperial fleet

Backing me up. Gonna blow up any attempt to defeat.

They got the Death Star, got four payments on my car,

Hand it over to Hammer head at Mos Eisley bar.

He used to carjack, now he's a barback

Just goes to show how you can get back on the right track.

As for me that's not an option, can't say that with more clarity.

Me going legit would be like Jar Jar in speech therapy.



My backpack's got jets. I'm Boba the Fett.

I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt to finance my 'Vette.

I chill in deep space, a mask is over my face.

I deliver the prize but I still narrow my eyes

Coz my time I don't like to waste. Get down.



Slice you open like a tauntaun, faster than the Autobahn,

Or a motorbike in Tron, do the deed and then I'm gone.

Jaba has a hissyfit, contact Calrissian,

Over a Colt, the plan unfolds, no politic is legit.

Back in the day when I was a slave

Living life in the fast lane like in a pod race,

My mean streak tweaked I became a basket case

So this space ace split that place poste haste.

Took up a noble cause called the Clone Wars

Coz life's not all about girls and cars,

Getting fucked up in fucked up bars,

See I'm not a retard or gay like DeBarge.

I'm large and in charge with a face so scarred,

A cold black heart that's been torn apart.

The Sith wish that they had a dick so hard

Coz it's long, long ago in a pussy far, far.

Call me "master," coz I'm faster than Pryor on fire

I no longer have to hot wire.

I'm a hunter for hire with no plans to retire,

And all the sucka MC's can call me "Sire"!



My backpack's got jets. I'm Boba the Fett.

I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt to finance my 'Vette.





The video for these lyrics can be found here.

Actual conversation at the dinner table with my son. We were trying to get him to try some chicken with a "new" sauce. He kept refusing. My dad said "What are you? A vegetarian?"



Alex: Yes. I want to be a vegetarian.



Me: Vegetarians don't eat meat at all, son.



Alex: What about chicken?



Me: No chicken.



Alex: What about chicken nuggets?



Me: No chicken nuggets either.



My mom: No corn dogs, either.



Alex(seeming to get distraught): No corndogs?



Me: Nope. Hot dogs are meat. No hamburgers, chicken, turkey or bacon.



Alex(very confused): No BACON!?



Me: Nope. Vagetarians only eat things that you can grow. Like vegetables and fruits.



Alex: And they help sick animals, too.



Me: Um...that's a veterinarian, son.



The look on his face was priceless...

I found my original Star Wars trilogy VHS tapes. NO DIGITAL BULLSHIT. Han Shot FIRST! YEAH!